Observation and Experience:
“What do you feel today?” the first question that followed a series of questions that run to my mind on the morning of the 1st of June. I answered I feel great. Do I feel great when I woke up? I don’t even know why answered it, and it fell on my lips. I just know that it will be a common and ordinary day for me. It was long ago that I can’t remember when was the last recollection I have attended. I also can’t remember the memories. However, I thought of one experienced I had when I was in Grade 6. We had this retreat and the surprise of the school administration to us, graduating students, was for our parents to attend the last activity surprisingly and reconnect with our family. To cut the story short, I was one of the students who they haven’t contact the parents or guardians. Though I wasn’t expecting them, I just felt sad for myself whenever I remember those days when I feel bad about myself alone. Nevertheless, those were the memories I remembered whenever I heard of a retreat or a recollection.
Today when I came to the recollection, I wasn’t expecting anything. I just wanted to have a good conversation with everyone. The first activity was to get a picture of choice that describes the situation of our life now. There are a lot of options and I wasn’t sure what I am looking for. However, it struck me when we started our sharing. First I chose a picture of a lion because I thought of my mom being so strong and I idolize her. Then after a few minutes, I changed my mind and chose a picture of a traffic scenario. I’ll discuss on a later note why. My classmates shared their choice of picture and as the sharing began, I wonder why I felt different. I always do cry whenever someone cries, I think that’s my weakness. Their story was different from any other story I have heard before. They have their battles and story to tell. As I thought to myself these individuals were strangers to me, they won’t judge me. What I have shared with this group of people were things I don’t want to share with my support group. Hence, the facilitator was right when she explained that a person need is a listener.
Analysis and Reflection:
I have realized during the activity that I was very emotional on things I don’t know where is coming from. What I thought to myself is that I really don’t know who am I and where am I going to. Like the traffic congestion in the picture, it was in a straight direction however, I was going in the flow at a slow pace. I feel awkward knowing my college friends were getting on the jobs they wanted and living life with all their means, while me, I haven’t felt satisfied with my work. My mom wanted me to stay on my job, so that I could continue my studies (MBA). I am also still not sure why I’m taking my MBA, since its my mom who wanted me to take this up. I don’t want to disappoint her, so I continue her dreams for me. However, I feel like I’m doing this and not knowing if I really wanted to this. That was a sample however of what my state is. I have listened to my classmates' sentiments and I have realized that their problems are bigger than mine. I should’ve been thankful for what I have and what state I was in. I felt stress in my workplace, however, it is not a reason for me not to continue living my life to the fullest. I was so thankful to my support group system which is my family, my friends and loved ones who are always there to support me.
Commitment and Action:
I think what I should do is to don’t look upon the situation of my successful friends and be thankful for what is my situation. Life is not a race! It is how you are running towards the finish line. Everything that is happening in my life right has a reason. I have God who strengthens me and who carry me whenever I fall. He never forsakes me as long as I’m living through his will.
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